WOMEN DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT
Never believe what a woman says
As controversial as it might sound, there’s nothing closer to the truth. How many times has it happened to you? You talk to women and you hear them all saying stuff among the lines of: “I want a sensitive guy”, “I’d like equality in our relationship”, “I want us to be best friends”, or some other fairytale alike. It’s already become a well-known cliché plastered across all magazines and websites dealing with relationship advice.
However, the real world is rather different. You might have already noticed how those same women saying these things turn around and do the exact opposite when it comes to their own romantic life. It might so happen that their “ideal” guy goes by unnoticed, while they hop into a relationship with a jerk who doesn’t seem to know how to, or doesn’t even care about making them happy. Maybe their “ideal” guy gets treated like a disposable rug, and that means low faithfulness and stability in the relationship.
Whichever way you look at it, usually, if you follow this dating advice, you’ll fail before you even try approaching her. If you do reach this false “ideal” of the sensitive, nice, and friendly guy, which so many women claim they want, you’ll downgrade from the “chosen one” to “plan B” level, or even to “good friend” level.
But how could this be, you wonder? If I embody all these qualities that women look for in a guy, why am I not successful in dating? That’s because women don’t actually look for these qualities in a man, or, rather, because these are not the most important ones for her.
It might be frustrating, it might seem that women are fake liars when they claim these things, but the problem’s rather got to do with perspective. Truth is that women will always have the biological imperative to look for a physically or mentally strong man with a big personality.
A woman needs to feel protected next to you, and in order for this to happen, you must prove to her that you’ve got strength of character and a solid temperament. A woman doesn’t need her own carbon-copy in a relationship. Partners should complete one another, and if both of them are sensitive and soft, they won’t be able to stand up against life’s challenges. On a subconscious level, women know this, and that’s why they look for a masculine man who can stand his own ground, who is self-assured, despite their claims about the ideal sensitive man.
Why won’t women say what they really want?
If you take a look around you and compare ideals and reality, you can see how women don’t seem to look for sensitive, friendly, or romantic guys, but rather for assertive, strong, and tough guys. Then why don’t you hear more women saying this? There are two potential explanations for this phenomenon.
First of all, the forementioned masculine qualities are already implied for women. When she looks for a partner, she already expects for the man to fulfil a protector role towards her. For a woman, equality in a relationship is not about both partners fulfilling the same functions, but about chores and responsibilities being shared evenly. Each partner, however, brings something special, something the other one is lacking.
A man lays the groundwork for the relationship and he is head of the house, given that he’s the most capable of making pragmatic decisions and of setting things into motion. A woman has an easier time looking after the emotional and spiritual side of things, providing tenderness, warmth, and support.
Second of all, these qualities are not mutually-exclusive in a woman’s mind. When she claims she wants a sensitive and friendly guy, what she means is that she doesn’t want a relationship with a brutish insensitive asshole who only looks after his own interests. Women are emotional and they need understanding, patience, and affection from their partner.
These misunderstandings between genders happen because we tend to think in extremes. When a woman claims she wants a “sensitive” man, she actually wants a receptive and reasonable man. A “friendly” man, according to a woman’s ideal view, is a man who’s polite, charismatic, and good-humored. Masculine qualities such as bravery, competitivity, strength, or rationality should never be conflated with vanity, aggressivity, impulsivity, rigidity, or lack of empathy.
As a take-home message—you attract what you are
It’s easy to get confused by the contradiction between a women’s words and her actions. However, it’s not at all true that women are “a mystery”, or “difficult to understand”, as the well-known saying goes.
If you can grasp the way women use language differently, and if you can understand her needs and expectations from a potential partner, everything becomes much easier. It might, however, be a bit more complicated when putting things into practice. If in doubt, always remember this: “you attract what you are”.
What I mean by this is that if you act like, let’s say, a good friend, or like an emotional tampon towards her, that’s exactly what she’ll view you as. She can’t see you as a boyfriend or partner, if you choose to show yourself as a friend. If you don’t show any signs that you’re serious about her, or that you know what you’re doing and what you want, women will also have doubts about starting a relationship with you. Moreover, it’s a very rare occurrence for women to make the first move.
If you expect her to view your emotional support and help as anything other than friendly gestures coming from a very good friend, tough luck. She won’t hop into your arms just because you’re the masculine equivalent of one of her girlfriends.
What you can do differently though is improving as a person, making the best of and working on your masculine qualities, being confident and straightforward. Don’t treat her as a friend. Don’t let her get the wrong idea. Show her that you’ve got serious intentions, and that you know exactly what you want.
