SELFISHNESS KILLS RELATIONSHIPS
Wrong reasons to enter a relationship
We all want to be happy. It’s a natural part of being human. There are many things that can bring us happiness and satisfaction in life, from personal hobbies to career success. There are also many fears we tend to avoid in order to preserve our happiness. The biggest fear we all have is loneliness.
Many of our actions have the end goal of making us likeable for people around us. Without even realizing, what we most desire is being accepted and loved. Therefore, it’s normal for relationships to be among our top priorities in life.
But our search for happiness is one of many reasons why we might want to have a relationship. It might sometimes not even make a very good motivation. Your main motivation for starting a relationship should come from the attachment you have towards a person, your desire to spend your time with her and to build something together.
It’s not a good idea to get into a relationship just because you think that would make you happy, disregarding the greater context. Happiness doesn’t come with a relationship by default. It’s something you build together with your partner. If you expect happiness just because you are not alone, you might be disappointed down the line.
What a healthy relationship looks like
No matter how well you and your partner get along, things will not be sunshine and rainbows all the time. When you start a relationship you want to keep long-term, you have to be serious about it. Arguments and unpleasant moments will arise eventually, you will have to make compromises and change your lifestyle a little, you will have to rethink your priorities.
A relationship is not a walk in the park. It’s a rather difficult balancing act. You have to know for sure that it is worth your time and sacrifices, and the only way to figure it out is through the love you feel for your woman. The reverse applies to her as well. Both partners must know how to appreciate one another, how to offer their trust, respect, and the interest they both equally deserve.
Both sides have to be emotionally mature and invested into their partner and their relationship prospects. It’s no longer about “what can I get out of it?”, because you have to always keep in mind your partner’s feelings and needs. Happiness in a relationship doesn’t come from what you can get out of it. It comes from what you can give back, from the satisfaction you feel when you know that the person you love is happy next to you.
Selfishness damages relationships
You can’t use the person you love. If any of the two lives with the wrong assumption that they’re entitled to their partner’s attention and effort, without having to give anything in return, then this is no longer a conversation about love.
A relationship where there’s selfishness is doomed to fail. You cannot find satisfaction besides a selfish person, because everything you do will be taken for granted. When there’s no longer mutual interest and willingness, the relationship will go down south quickly. The one thing that helps in building strong relationships is a shared willingness and desire to work together on constantly improving as a couple.
You can’t expect more than you give
Men and women fulfill different roles in a relationship; this, we already know. However, both are equally important and deserving to be treated as such. If you want a healthy and successful relationship, you need to strike the right balance between partners. This ensures that both sides are satisfied. If you truly care about the person next to you, you wouldn’t want to make them feel bad in any way, so a selfish attitude has no place in a relationship.
Most of us have similar needs. We want to feel appreciated and understood. We feel good when people show gratitude for our nice deeds, and this motivates us to continue doing more of the same.
If you can’t appreciate the things she does for you, she will no longer feel motivated to give her all to make you happy. And we can always notice when something is done half-heartedly; it ruins even the pleasure of getting what you want. This leads to a vicious cycle. Similarly, if she was constantly demanding things from you and you’d be the only one to show interest in the relationship, you’d start asking yourself some questions, such as whether you’re being used by her.
A relationship is built and maintained through shared effort
Each relationship is a little different, because people are also unique. Not all couples are going to encounter the same challenges and problems, but all will go through tough times at some point. A relationship requires loyalty and interest on behalf of both partners. Through thick and thin, you always have to think about “what can we do now?”, rather than “what am I to do now?”, and your partner should think the same way.
Selfishness contradicts everything that a successful relationship stands for: you have to be equally concerned about your partner’s happiness, in many cases you have to put them first, you have to put in your constant effort and to treat your relationship responsibly, but most importantly, you have to keep your ego in check.
When she has a remark, you have to be able to listen to it without feeling attacked. If you know you’re right, you still have to be calm and diplomatic when speaking your mind. You can no longer do whatever, whenever, because you must keep your partner’s opinion in mind as well. If all of this seems unfair and like a huge hassle to you, if you feel like the compromise is just too big to be worth it, this could mean that you have yet to find the right person who can inspire and make you want to love them and give them all your affection in this way.
