HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship could be any dysfunctional relationship which brings nothing positive to your life. It could have to do with a lack of respect between partners, a lack of trust, constant conflicts or even disagreements in general. In any relationship, no matter how happy the couple is, there will always be tense moments and arguments. But when they become habitual, there’s bigger problems at play.

When you’re in a toxic relationship, this affects you every day, much like a chronic but silent disease slowly creeping up on you. You’re always dissatisfied and you can expect to have your day ruined at any moment. But when you get used to being in a given relationship or when you fear leaving your partner, you choose to ignore these problems and you just keep going. In time, you become desensitized to them, but you can never shake off the feeling that something’s just not right.
Many people choose to stay in such negative relationships for various reasons. Most often it’s because of the feeling of familiarity. If a couple’s been together for years and years, it’s pretty difficult for them to break up, leave it all behind, and start all over again.

Another reason could be a fear of loneliness, especially if you’re already past your prime years, to put it bluntly. It’s easy to feel like you could never find somebody else. For many of us, the compromise of staying in a toxic relationship is much better than the even more dreading scenario of leading a lonely life. But your fear doesn’t have to become a reality.

Ok, but still… How can you tell if you’re in a toxic relationship?

It all starts from within. The first question you must ask yourself is: “Am I truly happy in this relationship?”. Do you feel like there’s something missing, or maybe you’re yearning for more? Or are you really content, despite all the problems that arise between you and your partner every now and then? Although the way you feel and your attitude towards your relationship aren’t infallible methods to figure it out, they can certainly guide you into the right direction.

If, for example, your relationship was excellent in the beginning, but then your partner changed considerably as time passed, you have to be objective. You might love the idea of what had been or of what could be, but in reality, you feel absolutely dreadful next to her. You must let go of the idealized image in your head if you see that all you have is hope, but things are only going from bad to worse.

If you reached the conclusion that your relationship ruins all your love for life, and if you desire something different, that’s all that matters. You must analyze your priorities and weigh the pros and cons very well before making the plunge. What follows is a few classical signs that you’re dealing with a toxic relationship.

You’re always the one who has to make concessions

In an ideal world, you shouldn’t have to make any sacrifices at all about your personal wishes and plans, because you and your partner are supposedly compatible and want the same things in life. However, you can have a healthy relationship between two partners with different ideals, as long as both of them are willing to meet each other in the middle.

If you’re the only one who ever makes compromises and you have to give up on what you want for the sake of your partner, you’re completely justified to feel disappointed and dissatisfied in your relationship.

You’re always at fault and have to apologize

Women are usually passive-aggressive when there’s something they don’t like, but that’s not what I mean here. I’m talking about real, malicious emotional manipulation and gaslighting, when she misinterprets everything you say on purpose. She goes through so much mental gymnastics, just to make you seem and feel guilty.

She never does anything wrong, and it’s always you who causes all of her problems. When this scenario repeats endlessly, you give up and stop defending your point of view and your dignity. You just want to avoid the arguments and drama, you want peace and quiet. It’s even worse if you feel like walking on eggshells every time you talk to her.

She never offers any kind of support

You get no encouragement, attention, affection, respect, honesty, not even trust. She’s always jealous and suspicious, she wants to control everything you do, wherever you go, how much you’re gone, when you’re coming back, and so on.

She keeps nagging you all the time and nothing you do is good enough for her. If you do something for her, you ruined everything and “she should’ve done it herself”. If you do nothing, then that’s even worse. She just wants to ask and take, but whenever you need something simple, like emotional support or someone to talk to, she pushes you away immediately.

You had to kiss your interests and passions goodbye, or they happened to die on their own. When you have an exciting plan or idea, she ruins your mood in an instant, or she just ignores you. Of course you no longer care about anything worthwhile when this is the kind of treatment and the lack of enthusiasm you receive in return.

You can’t even recognize yourself anymore

You dream of better days and of your ideal life next to her, but things never change. And still, all the negativity has left its mark on you. You feel empty and blue. Days pass by, but pleasant moments together become more and more infrequent.

When two partners start spending more time alone than together, each minding their own business, and sweet and loving moments are a part of the past, you can say the flame has died out. And if you add the uneven and unhealthy dynamics, it’s already obvious you’re dealing with a toxic relationship. You’ll never find satisfaction in such a place.